God really does have a heart for restoration.
The past year and a half for me has been an absolute whirlwind. I broke into my mid-twenties, quit dancing, started dancing, then left the company I was dancing with again. I’ve made new friends, moved into a duplex, and started dating (eek!!!!). My life feels like it is going everywhere yet nowhere all at once. I have been contemplating my career, wondering what my next steps are. I have been dreaming about getting married and starting a family while also wanting to enjoy life with my sweet roomates. I have been struggling with trying to put down roots while also being ready to move and transition at a moments notice. Life has been throwing a lot my way. Yet, through all of the questions, change, transiton, anger, open doors, and closed doors, I have been able to see the Lord’s heart for restoration.
At the end of 2023, I really felt the Lord telling me that it was time to lay my gift of dance down for a season so that I could reset. This was crazy! Even though I was feeling extremely burned out with dancing and performing, I was terrified to stop because my life had revolved around dance for most of my life. Why, at 24 and after only a year of dancing professionally, was it time to stop? Long story short, I decided to not return to the company I was dancing with and dive headfirst into what I thought was a permanent retirement.
It didn’t take long for me to start to enjoy my life without my dance training being at the center of it. I had SO MUCH free time. I was outside a lot, I bought tons of new plants, I learned how to make bread, and I was barely exercising, haha. Even though there were times where I would struggle with my identity outside of dance, (telling myself I was too young to retire and was wasting my gift, etc… which deserves a whole post in itself, honestly) overall I was doing really well with my new life and routine. In the midst of that life transition though, the Lord caught me by suprise in a different area.
When I first moved to Texas, I was determined NOT to teach dance at all.
After graduating from college with my BFA in Dance I was, ironically, extremely burned out from dancing. I got to the point where when I walked across the stage at grauduation, I had pretty much decided that I was never going to take another dance class again. The studio had become a place where I was riddled with stress and anxiety, performing was no longer a joy, and my body and mind were exhausted from 15+ years of serious dance training. Needless to say, I was shocked when the Lord asked me to dance professionally right after graduation, but that is also a story for a different time. When I moved to Texas, I had made an agreement with the Lord that I would continue to dance and not quit out of bitterness and burnout, however, I was extremely passionate about not teaching dance and I refused to do so for my entire first year.
The main reason I made this decision was because deep down in my heart I truly loved the art of dance, and I didn’t want the bitterness and pain I was experiencing to bleed onto the young, impressionable students I would have. Even though I would have benefitted financially from teaching, I chose to work an administrative position instead (coincidentally at a dance studio, haha). It was only when I took a break from performing where the Lord had space to surprise me with one of my dream jobs.
I taught my very first ballet class when I was twelve years old. Now “taught” is kind of an overstatement, because the studio I grew up at followed a set syllabus, so I was doing more supervising than I was teaching, but from that moment at a young age I knew I loved being at the front of the classroom. I have always been extremely passionate about dance, but specifically ballet. I LOVE ballet. There was a point in my life where I developped a dream of teaching ballet at a competition focused studio. I had this dream because stereotypically, dance studios who focus on competitions either lack training in classical ballet, don’t see the value in studying it, or both. I wanted to carry my love for ballet to places that were the complete opposite of how I grew up, to do my best to give students at least an appreation for the artform. Overtime, because of the hurt and dissapointment I experienced in my dance career, I completely lost track of this dream of teaching. It was buried so deep in my soul that I had forgotten it was ever there in the first place. It wasn’t until August of 2023, twelve years after the dream was birthed, that the Lord reminded me of the desire He had placed in my heart.
After one of my good friends had been bothering me about it for almost an entire year, I finally told him he had permission to share my contact information with the director of the competition team he was teaching for. I had a phone interview that went really well, so the director invited me to come teach two ballet classes as my audition for the job. I will never forget, I was walking back and forth across the classroom going over barre exercises with the students, and all of a sudden the Lord hit me with the realization that I had literally stumbled my way back to this dream I had as a kid. The music was still playing, the students were still dancing, but I stopped in my tracks. The Lord whispered to me, “You forgot about this dream, but I remembered”. And it was in that moment where I saw the Lord restore not only my love for teaching, but instantly develop a new level of trust in His faithfulness. Now, teaching is something I look forward to every week and is a huge part of what I want to continute to pursue in the future.
And this is just one area of my life!
A definition of restore is: “to bring back into existence, use, or the like; to reestablish”, and this is exactly what the Lord has been doing in my life over the past year and a half. Things that I had given up on or forgotten about, the Lord, in His perfect timing, has been bringing so many moments and experiences full circle. I could go on and on about what I have been processing through in my life lately, which hopefully will be good motivation for me writing more consistently (LOL).
For now, my encouragement to you is to keep your eyes open for the things the Lord is bringing up for you in this season. He is very purposeful and His timing is perfect.
Until we meet again,
Bells <3
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You have so many gifts and talents! I am glad you are blessed with the opportunity to share your passion for ballet with your students. You are a very good teacher. Your father and I are very proud of you. You are a remarkable woman and we are in awe of you. How generous Abba is to allow us to be your parents. Love You Bella 💜