Day in my Life: Part 11 – The Garden

Sometimes a garden looks like this. Bare. Vulnerable. Boring. Seemingly lifeless. (At least compared to what it used to be). The grass is overgrowing the dying flowers from the past season. Nothing about it really stands out. If someone were to walk past, they would have had no idea of the beauty this same piece of land held only a few weeks ago. The garden has changed.

Walking past this garden made me realize that I have changed too.

I don’t think the garden looks forward to the wintertime. What can match the beauty of the garden in the first breaths of spring or when it holds all the colors of summer? When the garden is in full bloom, she knows everyone can see her undeniable beauty. The multicolor hues of the flowers and all the different species of plants it bears brings a unique kind of confidence. A kind of confidence that is not easily rocked by the chill in the air on a spring morning, or the torrential rains of summer. It’s easy to stand tall knowing that you not only hold beauty, but you are also a sanctuary for all different kinds of creatures. Pollinators come from far and wide to feast on the array of produce. There is an amazing variety of nutrients for them to carry to their homes. Little creepy-crawlies burrow in the dirt, naturally pouring into the soil so the garden can continue to grow as she should. There is no lack for the garden in these seasons, and she knows it. She holds on for dear life. She holds on until the turning of time forces her to begin to shed almost all of her color and bring her into the new thing.

Hibernation.

Maybe the garden doesn’t fear hibernation, but she definitely doesn’t like it. Where is all of her beauty when the hues of spring and the plenteousness of summer seem to fade away over night? Where do her friends the pollinators and creepy-crawlies go to hide when the winter comes? Why is she all of a sudden alone to hold the vulnerability of rest by herself?

When I passed this garden, I saw myself. The first day I saw her in this state I literally ran past, not wanting to face the realities of my life in this season. A few days later I walked and forced myself to slow down and let Abba speak to me through His creation. At first, I was appalled, remembering the beauty of the garden during the summer and recalling the conversation I had with the LORD during that time. I remembered Him showing the garden as a reflection of myself, and the beauty of Eden He placed inside of me. After our conversation I felt encouraged, confident in the colors I showed and the friends I attracted. Life was good and plenteous in my garden back then.

Until the season changed.

At first, I didn’t think the changing of seasons had affected me. I knew the change was coming – I saw it from what seemed like miles away. I knew the pattern of spring and summer eventually led way to fall and winter. My mind was fully aware of all these things, but when the change happened, I realized my heart was not. As my life turned and shifted, I convinced myself that I was okay when the flowers I had grown to know and love had begun to slowly die. When the friends of familiarity began to dissipate I told myself that it was them changing, not me. I turned a blind eye to the shifting of seasons, trying to reason away the change and only choosing to remember what once was. I didn’t slow down long enough to notice that my garden no longer needed the kind of attention I was used to; she had changed. I didn’t see the vibrancy of the green grass, I only focused on how much I missed the rest of my colors. I didn’t know I was lonely, because I convinced myself that my garden possessed the same hustle and bustle of the previous season. Did I do something wrong? Why is everything all of a sudden so bare?

Where did my garden go?

As I pondered on all these thoughts, the LORD gently began to whisper to me the beauty of a garden at rest. Sure, most of the colors were gone, but it wasn’t because of anything the garden did wrong. The colors disappeared for a time, because the plants of the garden know they need rest in order to produce color again in a coming season. Yes, the pollinators seemed to have all vanished, but not because they don’t want to be in the presence of the garden. In their nature, the pollinators know they need to take cover in the winter in order to survive to see the beauty of next spring. Have the creepy-crawlies abandoned the garden in her now naked state? No. They have merely burrowed themselves even deeper into the soil, knowing they need the protection and covering to be able to stay warm for the winter.

So why is the garden left above ground, vulnerable to the frost, exposed for the world to see? Now, the world will see not only her lack of color but also the barrenness that winter has brought to her. That can’t be right.

I stood there with Abba. My heart yearning for an explanation. I stood there, knowing that I had followed His voice, confident that I can hear Him, yet still wondering why His voice had led me here. Where did my garden go, Papa? I paused. I listened. I realized.

The garden is not out of time.

Even though it would be amazing for a garden to constantly be in bloom, everyone knows that a goal like this is unsustainable. Of course, having an endless supply of color and life, your gifts and talents being constantly recognized and displayed, would make it easy to walk in confidence. No one questions the beauty of a garden in the summer, of a person at their “peak”, walking into everything they and their family had ever dreamed about. It’s easy for the garden to know she is loved and valued when the pollinators and creepy-crawlies never leave her side. When you’re always surrounded by your tribe, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have undeniable worth and are worthy of the relationships and opportunities summertime brings to you.

But everyone knows the garden cannot be in a season of perpetual blooming. In fact, it would be unhealthy, even impossible for her to do so. As I looked at this garden by my home, the LORD revealed to me the beauty that is in her rest. The incredible untapped potential of her soil. All of the plants within her are using the winter season to prepare. You see, the garden needs the winter season, whether she wants to admit it or not. Her prosperity in the spring and summer wholly depends on the quality of rest during the winter. Being stripped bare of her colors does not strip her of her beauty, it simply creates a different way for it to be displayed. I’m having to realize that the LORD is not maliciously stripping the warmth of summer from me. He is not intentionally draining the crucial nutrients from my soil, so I am only able to produce unimpressive grass. Abba is not tearing me away from everything I once knew and still love; He has merely ushered me into a new season. A season of rest.

Sure, rest is not always the most beautiful. A garden at rest does not draw the attention of many people, and you may even feel abandoned when your garden is in hibernation. Those around you might not understand why your garden is at rest when theirs seems to be looking more like the firsts of spring – working and working and working to produce, produce, produce. I tried to explain away my rest season to make it seem like it wasn’t as important as it is. I was ashamed of my rest and felt like I had simply given up. Am I even deserving of rest?

“You’re still so young.” “You’re not ready yet.” “But it’s so beautiful when you do this.” “Are you sure?” “Just keep going!”

The voices of others and of myself were crowding my garden. I couldn’t hear the Gardener gently whisper, “Stop”. I didn’t hear Him until I decided that His voice was the one I wanted to hear the loudest. Once I chose to let His voice win, that, my friends, is when I found peace in the rest. Have I listened perfectly every time? No, I have not. Has this rest season looked the way I expected it to look? Not at all. Have I always felt confident during my hibernation as I did while I was in full bloom? No again. But none of these things override my desire to humble myself before my Father. I know that He created me and knows me best. I know He created times and seasons, and both of these things are beyond my control.

So, I have chosen to yield to the rest, wherever it may take me (or not take me). I have made the decision to allow God to have full reign in my garden. He can put to sleep what needs to be put to sleep, even if I don’t understand why, because I know He knows what my garden needs to survive the winter. I know He will never let me get to the place where I am unrepairable, even if I can’t comprehend how He will make all the things work together.

It’s better this way. To yield. It’s what we were created for, whether we admit it or not.

This winter I am choosing to yield. People around me might not always understand it. I might not always understand it. But I know God only has my best interests in His heart. I will not be moved.

Keep growing. Keep resting. Whatever season He has you in, keep going. As we yield to Him, we will continue to become the most beautiful garden, together.

Much love,

Eden <3